Nevada County Picayune and Gurdon Times Newspaper Archive

Bullying Is Imbalance

by Barbara Holt, Ph.D.

Clark County Extensin Agent -

Family and Consumer Sciences

Cooperative Extension Service

COPING WITH BULLIES

Bullying is an on-going physical or vergal mistreatment with an imbalance of power -- usually a bigger, older child picking on a smaller, weaker child.

This common problem of childhood is not normal childhood behavior.

Some conflict between kids is expected, but bullying should not be tolerated at all, says Irene K. Lee, Family and Child Development specialist with the Cooperative Extension Service, Univeristy of Arkansas at Pine Bluff.

About one in seven school children has been a bully or a victim. Targets of persistent bullying may become depressed or fearful and lose interest in school.

Try these ides to teach kids how to avoid being bullied and learn how to defend themselves.

Teach self-respect. A confident child is less likely to become a victim. A pat on the back every once in a while works wonders. Make sure positive comments outweigh negative ones.

Teach children to express themselves clearly, yet diplomatically. Help them use `I' statements. If the child says "I don't like to play that game anymore," who can argue? After all, that's how the child feels. The child can learn how to express feelings without stepping on the toes of others.

Watch the non-verbal language of your child. Verbally asserting yourself is not very effective if your body language tells another story. Teach the child to act confidently, to bolster his assertive words by relaxing his body (deep breathing helps), keeping his hands steady and maintaining eye contact. Bullies gravitate toward kids who seem unsure of themselves.

Encourage friendships. Loners tend to be more vulnerable to bullies. Help your youngster build social skills early, even as a preschooler. If your child has few friends, she might need your help in learning how to initiate friendships or join group activities. Having friends can help keep bullies at bay.

If your child is being bullied, discuss these strategies:

Know when to assert yourself. Let the bully know that his actions will not be tolerated. Say, "You can't talk to me like that. Leave me along." Some bullies actually feed on getting a response, so your child should assert himself just once. If it doesn't work, move on. Don't encourage him to fight the bully.

Use humor. Doing or saying something funny or unexpected is another effective way of deflecting a bully. Help your child come up with a silly one-liner to throw the bully off balance. It might be enough to make the child stop.

Put on a poker face. Teach your child to never let a bully see that he is upset or scared. A child who is obviously anxious or nervous lets the bully know his tactics are working. He may need help in finding ways to hide his emotions.

Leave when necessary. It is best to avoid a bully, but running away is not a long-term solution. It may only delay the onslaught, but it could be a way to avoid immediate harm.

Ask for help. As a last resort, tell your child to report bullying to an adult. Kids can't always solve their own problems.

Your child may never meet a bully, but he should know how to avoid being a victim. Children who feel valued and respected, and who have the skills above, can withstand slings and arrows of the meanest bully.

For more child-rearing tips, call the Clark County Extension office at 1-870-246-2281.