Nevada County Picayune and Gurdon Times Newspaper Archive

Discipline, Self COntrol Tips For Raising Children Given

by Barbara A. Holt, Ph.D.

Clark County Extension Agent--

Family and Consumer Sciences

Cooperative Extension Service

Discipline is a problem-solving response to help children learn self-control. It refers to instruction and knowledge, not simply punishment for misbehavior.

Dorothy Taggart, Family and Child Development associate with the Cooperative Extension Service, University of Arkansas, reminds parents to be clear about their expectations. They also should encourage independence and individuality in their children. Parents must be consistent; mixed messages confuse children.

Every child is different -- what works with one child may not work with another. These guidance techniques can help young children develop self-discipline:

1. Focus on Dos Instead of Don'ts. A parent's response to misbehavior should help the child learn what is expected rather than what should be avoided. "I want you to put your toys in the toy box," instead of "Don't leave your toys on the floor," teaches the child what is appropriate.

2. Build Feelings of Confidence. Help children feel they can try new things and approach life with confidence. If Peter spills the garbage he is emptying and we ask, "Can't you ever do anything right?" we destroy his self-confidence. It is better to say, "That's a hard job; carry it this way to keep it from spilling."

3. Change the Environment to Change Behavior. Look for causes of misbehavior. Change situations that frustrate children. If Tasha spills milk at every meal, try a different size glass.

4. Accept the Child's Decision If You Give a Choice. Parents often give children an unacceptable choice. When you want a child to come in to eat, don't ask, "Do you want to come in for dinner?" The child may say no. Simply say, "It's time for dinner."

5. Give Children the Security of Limits. Children need to have their boundaries defined, to know how far they are allowed to go. Within those set limits they need to be able to make the decisions they are capable of making. As the child grows, parents must reevaluate the limits.

Is the limit necessary for the child's safety and the well-being of others? Is it needed for protection of property? Has the child outgrown the limit? Does the limit keep the child from trying new things? Is the limit primarily for the adult convenience? Can the limit be enforced? As children develop they need increased opportunity to share in setting limits.

6. Set a Good Example. Children "catch" education from their parents in day-to-day experiences. The neighbor comes to visit and you don't care to be interrupted, so you send Johnny to say you're not home. It's going to be hard to teach Johnny not to lie.

7. Make Sure the Discipline Fits the Misbehavior. Spanking is often the punishment parents use, but different offenses may call for different types of responses. Try to match the discipline with the misbehavior.

Parents can increase effectiveness in teaching self-discipline and build an environment that allows children to grow and develop. Discipline also builds self-confidence in parents and self-esteem in children.

Ultimately, such rules result in healthy children who are independent, responsible and able to discipline themselves.

Find out more about child development at the Clark County Extension office at Fifth and Clay in Arkadelphia, or call 246-2281.