Nevada County Picayune and Gurdon Times Newspaper Archive

Fun Of Relationships Should Be Carried Over To Marriage

BARBARA A. HOLT, Ph.D.

CLARK COUNTY EXTENSION AGENT

FAMILY AND CONSUMER SCIENCES

COOPERATIVE EXTENSION SERVICE

Remember back to your courtship days? Didn't you have lots of fun together?

If you had not had fun and enjoyed your time together, you likely would never have married. That's the message that Betty Youngman, family life specialist, Cooperative Extension Service, University of Arkansas, has for couples no matter if they have been married a few years, or are celebrating decades of marriage.

Researchers and marriage counselors stress the importance of fun to a healthy marriage. In their book, Fighting for Your Marriage, Howard Markham, Scott Stanley and Susan Blumberg discuss the importance of preserving fun in a marriage relationship.

There are several barriers to fun after marriage. One is having a hectic schedule. Another is the thought that married people aren't supposed to have any fun. Then there is the notion that play and fun are mostly for kids. Another fun killer in marriages is that conflicts, if they aren't handled correctly, can put a damper on having fun times together.

Authors Markham, Stanley and Blumberg have some suggestions for putting more fun back into your marriage.

The first suggestion is to make time for fun. This may mean that you schedule some time alone together. This may be necessary, especially if it takes you a while to unwind from the problems and stresses of daily living. To do this best, you need a plan to get away form beepers, phones and other distractions.

The second idea is to set aside time for fun, free of arguments and conflict. Do not attempt to settle conflicts on your fun time. If you try, you won't have fun.

Brainstorm about fun things to do together. Some couples really have to work at finding fun things to do, because they are out of the habit. You could write down your ideas on index cards. Each person would contribute ideas, then put all the cards together and have a "fun deck" of cards to draw from when you are wanting to have some fun together.

Another good way to use the "fun deck" would be to pick out three things from the deck that you would enjoy doing and give them to your partner. You could decide to go along with at least one of your partner's choices.

How long has it been since you and your spouse had a real date just the two of you without kids?

Part of the fun during your courting days came from anticipation of going somewhere together and enjoying the complete attention of your partner. Maybe you can recapture these feelings again by making the effort to plan a special date.

Just because a marriage relationship has been around a while doesn't mean the couple has to have a cheerless, somber existence. Make the choice today to put the fun back in your relationship. You'll be glad you did.

For further information on family relationships contact the Clark County Extension office, 246-2281.