Nevada County Picayune and Gurdon Times Newspaper Archive

Making Changes Doesn't Have To Be A Traumatic Experience

BARBARA A. HOLT, Ph.D.

CLARK COUNTY EXTENSION AGENT

FAMILY AND CONSUMER SCIENCES

COOPERATIVE EXTENSION SERVICE

A new year may mean making changes. Successful people see opportunities in change and seek ways to improve themselves and how they relate to others. Learning to embrace change and use it to advantage takes introspection and courage.

We resist change, because we are comfortable in the environments we have created. We identify with our habits, attitudes and activities; unfamiliar ones are threatening to our sense of self. Change creates the anxiety of ambiguity we don't know exactly who we are.

You may be kept from changing by loyalty to friends, family, your true self or even a memory. Sameness is familiar and safe; change may feel like a betrayal of commitment.

Embracing change is healthy. Life cycles change, as do culture, technology and other areas. Change is only negative when there is excessive search for novelty or when it is done to withdraw or hide.

When faced with change, you may feel invaded or challenged and defend yourself by digging in your heels and refusing to change. Resistance to change is a defensive reaction.

Learning to embrace change requires us to think about both the past and future. Dorothy Taggart, Family and Child Development specialist, Cooperative Extension Service, University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff, has some helpful ideas:

• Recognize that change involves loss. Even by moving to a new, more pleasant neighborhood, you lose your old way of life. Recognize that loss is part of life, and you can view change as a normal course of events, not as an emotional sneak attack.
• Be clear about what is unsatisfactory in your life. The desire to escape anxiety, toxicity, frustration or boredom and the need to expand your horizons and experiences drive change. Define what you want to leave behind and why, and remind yourself regularly, to accept change for what it is an opportunity.
• Define your goal or path. Know what you want to achieve in work or private life. You will find ways to make change work for you. If your goal is cloudy. Clarify practical steps to bring it into focus. If you want to move from a place you don't like, but you don't know where to go, start with a strategy that will help clarify needs and affinities and find the best goal for you.
• See yourself as others do. Know who you are, and what needs to be changed. A man frustrated with his wife said her failings were hindering his career. But he was projecting his own weaknesses and unrealistic expectations of himself onto his wife. Ask others what they think and calmly let them offer criticism.
• Find role models. Someone who has learned to cope with change and face it is a good source from whom to learn how to do it yourself. To change careers, find one who has done it, and ask what is involved and how to overcome fears associated with change.
• Enlist support. Family and friends can be supportive or subversive of our efforts to change. Discuss how change will affect your life and theirs. Don't spring a big move on them and expect immediate support. If a projected change is opposed by family or friends, find a trusted impartial confidant who will help you clarify your vision and move prudently in the right direction.