Nevada County Picayune and Gurdon Times Newspaper Archive

The View from Wendy's World: Dear Santa, we need to talk about the elves

Dear Santa,

My name is Wendy and Ive come to some serious conclusions. One of the biggies is that naughty and nice are relative terms. For instance, if I were to put a frog in Lisas desk ... Some would say thats really naughty but some people would laugh. And, compared to something else - if I put a tack in her chair, for example - its not really that bad at all. Therefore, I think you should either dispense with this whole naughty and nice business or else assign a number to all actions. That way I wont have to wonder all year if the nice outweighs the naughty.

Lets hook up when you get a minute and work something out for next year. Honestly, Im not sure I can stand the stress of wondering for another whole year.

I think Ive written enough letters over the years that you can probably figure out my age. Do the math. Itll be good practice.

By the way, Santa, I was wondering if your elves have too much spare time on their hands. Maybe you need to find some busy work for them to do during the off-season. I happened upon a robot that burps and ... ummmm ... passes other bodily gases. Elves who have time to figure out how that works have too much idle time.

Hey Santa, did you know that there are lots of kids who want puppies? As I was doing a bit of shopping on my own, I noticed the I-dogs or I-cats. I was wondering if theyre already housetrained? If so, maybe I want one of those myself. The elves did okay on that one.

Ive given a lot of thought to what I want for Christmas this year but Im still undecided. One part of me wants a new exercise bike and the other part wants a years supply of chocolate. Which brings up an interesting question. Why does everyone seem to want you to slim down?

Now dont get me wrong, theres nothing wrong with being healthy. I sometimes try to eat right for a whole day at a time - its that important to me. But Santa, those folks who want you to slim down are crazy. Who ever heard of a jolly skinny guy? This is South Arkansas. If folks here see a skinny guy trying to climb down the chimney, theyre likely to shoot first and ask questions later.

I realize that were a nation of weight-conscious people and were supposed to be setting good examples for the next generation. But its just plain wrong for an entire world of people to leave cookies for you at every stop and then to criticize the results. Its just like when Mrs. Stephens drops by here with a few cookies or a cinnamon roll. Of course Im going to eat it. And as long as I eat it before noon, its counts as breakfast - the most important meal of the day, right?

So my point is that I think youre fine just as you are. And now that Im thinking about it, I think Id much rather have the chocolate than the bike. After all, I have to get up to throw away the candy wrappers and thats probably plenty of exercise right there.



For those of you who know me best, youll know that this is my annual tribute to the holiday season. This is my second Christmas in Prescott and Ive come to call this home. I appreciate the welcome Ive received and hope the coming year is a positive for this community.

May you all have a happy and healthy 2008.