Nevada County Picayune and Gurdon Times Newspaper Archive

The view from Wendy's World

The automated age is so very convenient - and can be such a pain. The major companies have computerized voices answering their phones and handling their business rather than real people.

I have to admit that its sometimes positive. If Im just making my monthly payment with the same information as any other month, I might be able to make it happen quickly without dealing with someone whos already having a bad day and looking for someone to take it out on.

On the other hand, I find that I actually miss having a real person on the other end of the line - even a rude person. Maybe I wouldnt mind if the computer voice actually responded to me rather that spitting out the next line of the programmed response.

When the automated systems first came out, they depended on telephone touchtones - you dialed in numbers, but got a real person for anything more complicated. Today, these systems include voice programs.

I have a southern drawl that just does not compute. Add a cold and theres bound to be problems.

Several months ago, I called to make a payment on a bill. The computerized voice on the other end of the line informed me that my phone number had come up on their caller ID, and that they were looking for the account associated with that number. I was on my cell and that number isnt listed on that particular account, but he wasnt listening. Finally, he announced that he wasnt able to find the account information and Id have to provide some additional information.

Next, this voice asked me to provide my phone number. I rattled it off and then coughed. He gave it back with an extra "three" at the end.

Does my cough sound like "three?" I never noticed.

The voice said, "Is that correct?"

"No," I respond, hoping that he can understand that simple word.

When we finally got to the account, he asked how much I wanted to pay. I picked a number.

"Forty dollars."

"Thats forty dollars, and three cents. Is this correct?"

I decided the extra three cents wouldnt hurt me and might cause the computerized accountant to scratch his hard drive in wonder.

"Whatever," I responded, forgetting that he only expects a yes or no.

"Im sorry, I didnt understand your response."

I muttered another inappropriate response and then sneezed.

"It sounds like you want to pay an additional amount and postdate the payment," he said. "Is that correct?"

My next answer was a bit louder than Id really planned but he apparently understood the no.

"Then tell me, in just a few words, what you want to do."

What? Just a few seconds ago we were down to the amount of the payment. Now were starting over? At that point, I announced - rather loudly - that I wanted a real person.

"Im sorry Im having so much trouble understanding," he replied in a calm, soothing voice that irritated me to no end.

I decided to do what any rational person would do when having an argument that I just cant win.

The silent treatment.

I figured Id make a game of it and see how long before his "rude customer" program kicked in. Actually, after just two more questions and no response from me, he apologized for not being able to handle my situation and put me through to a real, live person - one whod apparently had a bad morning and was looking for someone to be rude to.

It was wonderful.