Nevada County Picayune and Gurdon Times Newspaper Archive

Santa ready for annual visit

Everything is in place for Santas annual visit to Prescott and Nevada County.

In a video phone interview with Santa, it was learned the reindeer are all healthy, sleek and ready to fly around the world on Christmas Eve, delivering toys to all the good boys and girls. The reindeer have never been in better shape, and Rudolphs nose can be seen from outer space, its so bright, St. Nick said.

Im especially looking forward to visiting the homes in Prescott and Nevada County this year, he continued, as the boys and girls have been especially good this year.

Santa was asked about how things were at the North Pole. He said the old home place still has its traditional look, but has moved into the 21st century on the inside. Keeping up with technology is important, as out database keeps growing and growing. Fortunately, we have some experimental computers using artificial intelligence (AI) that keep us ahead of the game.

The new AI computers, Santa added, are able to keep with which children are being naughty and which are being nice faster than all of his other methods. Still, though, Santa relies on some of his older tried and true methods. He refused to divulge what these methods were, saying if this information got into the wrong hands theres no telling what could happen.

The sleigh has been modified, somewhat, with a sleeker look, making it even faster than it was before. Theres no need for anyone to worry about the sleigh not having its traditional look, it still does, I had my engineers streamline it to make it more aerodynamic, Santa said. With the new metals we used along with the new paint we developed, the sleigh is practically friction free. Oh, yes, the new paint also makes the sleigh invisible to radar, so no one needs to worry about the reindeer and I flying through dangerous territory, such as Iraq. Well be perfectly safe, and plan a special visit to the men and women serving in the Armed Forces.

On the view screen, Santa looked to be his fat, jolly self. When asked, he said hes never been in better shape. I may look fat, but its really all muscle, the jolly old elf said. I just had a physical and the doctors on our team say Im in perfect shape and can have all the milk and cookies I can eat  and I can eat a lot.

Still, as fast as the reindeer team and sleigh are, its hard to believe Santa can get around the world in one night, and be literally everywhere at midnight. Its a form of time travel, St. Nick said. I perfected it millennia ago, using an infinity plus one formula. With this formula, my reindeer and sleigh, it allows me to be everywhere at midnight, no matter what.

Again, though, Santa said this formula must remain top secret. If the secret got out, he said, and was made public, it could end time as we know it, and we dont want that to happen.

When coming to Prescott, Santa will be escorted by officers with the Prescott Police Department. Brian Russell, the new chief, said the PPD will make sure he gets to all the houses and delivers the toys on time.

In the county the Nevada County Sheriffs Office will take over the escort duties. Steve

Otwell, Nevada County Sheriff, said there will be no problems in the county either, and all deliveries will be made in a timely manner.