Nevada County Picayune and Gurdon Times Newspaper Archive

Into The Void

Make Miller The President

Things have gone far enough with the mess down in Florida, trying to pick a president to lead our nation.

As a nation we need to move on. One thing Florida has shown the rest of us is neither Al Gore nor George Bush is fit to sit in the Oval Office.

Because of this, I suggest the people of America rise up in one voice and tell both Bush and Gore, along with the electoral college, to stuff it and name me, John Miller, as the 43rd President of the United States of America.

Before everyone gets upset and starts questioning qualifications I'll go ahead and spill my guts. First, it's high time a working man has a shot at leading the country.

As such I intimately understand the needs of the average citizen. Knowing my tenure would last one term in all likelihood I would be free to tell the special interest groups what they could do with their wish lists.

One of my first acts as president would be to increase the price of food and medication to all OPEC nations. If they refuse to increase oil production then they and their citizens should be required to pay more for some basic necessities of life. They should also be glad I've softened from my original position which was a complete and total embargo of food and medicine to them.

More emphasis would be placed on education. The American Civil Liberties Union could also take a flying leap as all students would be required to make the grade or be held back. If a person, no matter what age, wants good self-esteem, they need to earn it.

Then I would ride Congress hard until it made English the official language of the United States. That's right, at this time, the U.S..A. has no official language. With English as the official language, all future election ballots would be printed in English. There would be no multinational printing done. Those who can't speak the language don't deserve the right to vote. If they refuse to learn it, they shouldn't be privileged to this right either. It is this simple.

This is not to say I would lead the U.S. in the direction of isolationism, as this can't be done. Today's world is global and all actions create reactionscause and effect, so to speak.

While I'm not in favor of gun control there isn't a single private citizen in the nation who NEEDS a fully-automatic weapon. Those with these type of weapons would have them confiscated, spend a little time in jail and pay a hefty fine. All other weapons normally used for hunting would be perfectly legal. Before people start panicking, handguns would be legal as well.

My position is the streets of America aren't where weapons of war belong, and I'm still of the opinion gun control means hitting where you are aiming.

Law enforcement would be beefed up to deal with street gangs; those joining such gangs would be required to perform thousands of hours of community service or be shipped to a special detention center in Death Valley. Escape would be irrelevant.

Companies moving to Mexico and Canada for cheaper labor would be required to pay a tariff when importing their goods back into the U.S. If they don't want to play by America's rules and make their product here, they should pay for taking jobs out of this country.

Terrorism would be dealt with in a swift, merciless manner. Once it was determined which country the terrorists were from their nation's capital would be bombedtit-for-tat, you might say.

For home-grown terrorists, two choices: another country or a deserted atoll in the Pacific where they could live as they please, assuming they survived at all.

There would also be a marked reduction in pork barrel projects. For the most part these are nothing more than back scratching, favor grabbing, make work deals to keep people in office. Instead, industries would be encouraged to expand and hire more.

Additionally, no federal mandates would be sent to the state and local level without the proper revenues to make sure they could be carried out. All to often the federal government makes rules state and local governments must follow, but have no money for these programs. This means the local entities must cut other areas in order to do what the feds have decreed to be law.

A final item, then it will be left up to the people to decide. The Social Security program would be left untouched by the House of Representative and Senate. Had it been left alone in the first place, the problems it now faces wouldn't exist. Anything else would require more research and study before decisions could be made. There's also the problem of finding a good cabinet. Any suggestions?