Nevada County Picayune and Gurdon Times Newspaper Archive

Into The Void with John Miller

Come in, sit down and shut up. Class is once again in session at the School of Hard Knocks and take plenty of notes, because there will be a test immediately following today's lecture.

In the movie, A Few Good Men, Tom Cruise berates Jack Nicholson, saying, "I want the truth." Nicholson was more honest in his response when he screamed, "You can't handle the truth!" Few of us can.

Now, we've all heard how the truth is beautiful and the truth will set you free. Bull! First and foremost, the vast majority of people would rather hear anything but the truth. A pretty lie will do. A well rounded half-truth is even better. And, as for being set free, the truth can get you hurt, fired or killed.

Cynical, of course, but then, we're talking truths here aren't we?

Mankind is a natural born liar. We can't help it. Lying is genetic, must be because we do it so often and so well. We do it so well, though, because we get so much practice.

Wait, wait, wait. Before you go getting all hot and bothered, just stop and think. When your significant other asked if something they were wearing made them look fat, did you stand there and say, "Yes, it makes you look like an elephant," or was the response more along the lines of, "No, of course not, dear. You look great."

The truth is painful and ugly in most instances. Who wants their spouse to come in and tell them they're having an affair? Nobody, yet extramarital affairs happen and marriages stay together. Why? Because the truth isn't being told; either lies are, or nothing is said at all. Let's face it, infidelity is normally discovered because of changes in behavior, not because the one doing the cheating has the guts to tell the truth.

Infidelity, though, is not the only thing we lie about. We lie about everything. If we don't want to do something, we tell those who ask we're busy, even if we aren't. Seldom does anybody have the temerity to say, "Get out of my face. I don't want anything to do with it."

We tell people they look great to their face, then try not to laugh when they're gone. Yes, you do. Be honest.

This brings us to another important point. We lie to ourselves worse then we lie to those around us. This is because we have to live with ourselves 24 hours a day.

Many people got upset because Bill Clinton lied about his affair with Monica Lewinsky. Sure, he failed to fess up and be honest with the American public and world, but he's not the first president to lie to us. And the lie he told really had nothing to do with the job he's done as president, but his relationship with Hillary.

Presidents, almost since George Washington, have had illicit affairs. Only recently has it resulted in a faux moral outrage. Most people pretended to be upset about Clinton's actions, but were really envious, which is where most outrage comes from anyhow.

And they lied to themselves about why they were mad at Clinton. The lies told by the president were irrelevant in comparison to the ones we told ourselves. We talked about how immoral he was because of his actions, though many of us have done the same thing on a different scale.

George Bush, when president, lied to the public with his famous "No new taxes," statement. He turned around and hit the taxpayers with the largest tax increase in the nation's history. Had he come out and said, "Hey, you morons, I'm gonna hike taxes so the rich can afford more toys, because the poor and middle class have no other purpose in life than to kowtow to the rich," he'd never have been elected. (P.S. Watch for something similar from his boy W. He's gonna tell us some whoppers to get in the White House bigger lies than Gore tells.)

Why, though, do we lie? Mostly, to protect the feelings of others, as well as protecting our own necks for the stupid things we do on a regular basis.

Instead of telling our favorite aunt the hat she's wearing looks like something out of a horror movie, we say it looks wonderful on her to make her feel better. It's a harmless little white lie, even if the hat is pink with green and brown polka dots and is shaped like a battleship.

To avoid trouble we tell the boss we forgot to do things we really put off to do something we wanted to do.

This is nothing more than human nature. We can't help ourselves. Lying is genetically programmed into each and every one of us.

So, remember, the next time you're teaching your children about always telling the truth, you won't, nor will they. The absolute, unvarnished truth is more than most people can handle.

As to the test on this lesson, you will be tested every waking minute of every single day for the rest of your life. Enjoy.