Nevada County Picayune and Gurdon Times Newspaper Archive

Living Well with the Carrie Connection

All of us know children who have grown up to be successful adults even though their childhood was difficult.

James Garbarino, in his book, Raising Children in a Socially Toxic Environment, suggested that seven important themes emerge out of the research related to why some children overcome difficult life circumstances better then others.

The first of Garbarino's themes is the presence of personal anchors. There needs to be some important personal anchor who loves the child unconditionally. Out of this relationship, the child is able to learn not only how to love, but learns also to trust.

The second theme that was found in the research was that of cognitive competence. This means that a child needs at least an average level of intelligence in order to figure out how to cope in the world. Beyond the average intelligence, the child copes best who has the least interference with his learning.

The third theme was success. Children at a young age need some successful endeavors. Each success helps them to believe that they can overcome adversity. All this leads to positive feelings of self-confidence and a belief that they can handle what life has to offer as adults.

Another theme related to helping children succeed was that of active coping. This means that children need to be helped to face up to life's challenges and not just passively accept life's problems. Parents need to help children solve their problems so that they learn how to deal with difficulties.

The fifth research theme was having a positive temperament. Having a positive temperament means that children need to take a positive, active, sociable role in solving their problems and interacting with others. All children are not born with the tendency to be outgoing and sociable. As adults we need to help passive children increase their involvement with others and help them adopt a more positive outlook on life.

The sixth research theme was the social climate. Garbarino suggested that children need a supportive environment at home, but they also need the schools to be supportive of the children learning how to cope. The schools can provide vital models for coping, especially as related to planning for the future.

The final theme was additional support beyond schools and parents. These supporters can be adults in the community who help the child out, such as a 4-H leader or a county Extension agent who helps the child learn social skills or how to do an educational project. It could be a neighbor who includes the child in his own family outings. Perhaps it is the church leader who shares his knowledge of sports with the child.

If we are to rear successful children who are able to cope in an ever more complex world all of us need to consider how we can contribute. Keeping in mind these identified research themes may be helpful. These themes are personal anchors, cognitive competence, success, active coping, positive temperament, social climate and additional support.