Nevada County Picayune and Gurdon Times Newspaper Archive

Living Well with the Carrie Connection

In a recent book, Ask the Children, Ellen Galinsky reported on a comprehensive study of working parents and their children. As a result of the study Galinsky suggested ways that busy working parents can achieve a more successful family life.

The first suggestion is to reframe the way you think about time with your children. Galinsky says to forget about whether it is quality time or the quantity of time. She found that both the amount of time and what happens in that time matter. These aspects cannot be separated.

Second, spend enough time with your child so that both you and your child feel like it is enough time.

Third, spend hang-around time with your children. Hang-around time is time when you are calm and relaxed. You don't have to be interacting with the child, but you are nearby. You may be doing something and your child may be doing something else.

Fourth, spend some focused time with your children. When you focus on a child you pay attention to him. You respond to him. This focused time might include listening, talking things over, solving problems, reading to the child or helping him plan a project.

Fifth, get involved in activities with your children. This means to do things that both you and your child like to do. It is important to do activities with them, not just for them.

Sixth, promote the interests that your child cares about. It doesn't matter what the interest is; it only matters that it is constructive and broadens his interests beyond himself.

Seventh, think about how you want to raise your child, and then try to do it. Try to keep your expectations realistic.

Eighth, find people who will support you. You are looking for emotional support as well as some actual help with the work. Co-workers, friends, neighbors, your spouse, in-laws, even your children can provide some support.

Finally, take care of yourself. Galinsky said that we erroneously think that if we take care of ourselves that we are taking away from time spend with our family. Instead, she noted that when parents take care of themselves they actually become better parents.